it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
