hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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