I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
