She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
