Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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