yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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