Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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