Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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