He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
