highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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