why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She bit a glass in half.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
