I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
