I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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