Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
