I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
