True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
