I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
