Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
