Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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