I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
