Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
