It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
