he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
