I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
