Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
