I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
