i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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