I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
