I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
