I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
