Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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