My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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