The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When did angry sex become our thing?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
