I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
