I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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