Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
