am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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