it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
