I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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