super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
