I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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