That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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