Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize