Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
