Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
