There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize