New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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