Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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