tell your sister to shave her snatch
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i out mim tonsoeep
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
