i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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