I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she told me i tasted like america
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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