I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
