it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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