OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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