I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
