there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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