he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
