Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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