I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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