piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
