Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
