her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
