what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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