If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
