all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
