My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
