VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In America we eat man semen.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
