i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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