Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize