tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
