I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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