thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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