I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
