i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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