I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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