That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
