It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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