If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
