Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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