Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
