im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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