i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
