A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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