Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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