Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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