11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to make out with him forever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
