Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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