I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
