You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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