I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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