Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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