My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
