He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
