they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
