My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
