I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
