no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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