He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
