I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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