OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
