i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
