My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
