I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
