I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
