Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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