11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
