Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
