Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
