"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
