Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
