The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
