we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize