Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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